So, what are these desires which are leading me to separate myself from all these material possessions? What is it then that I want? Well certainly without objects we could travel, be it in an RV or a houseboat. But as romantic as that sounds I do not want to be a gypsy or a nomad. I want roots, although I am beginning to feel in my current situation that growing roots will be like a dandelion growing through cracks in the cement.
What I am dreaming/ planning for at the moment is to live in an earthship. If you are unfamiliar with the term, I would recommend watching the documentary "Garbage Warrior". But a brief summary, earthships are structure made with rammed earth tires and southern facing windows. They often have features such as rain water cisterns, kiva fireplaces, solar panels, indoor greenhouses and (yes, even) composting toilets. These homes make it possible so that you can live completely off the grid without utility bills and without wasting our resources. They are also relatively affordable and I find them beautiful and calming.
So, why the hesitation? Why not move right now? Well, most of these are in Taos. Either my husband or I will need a job in Taos. We will need to sell our house here. Relocate my son to a new school or start home schooling, which may mean one less income. If we find a half constructed earthship, what then? Do we roll up our sleeves and begin work which we have a very, very limited knowledge of? Do we hire someone else to complete this task? Even once we move in, we would still have a lot to learn about how certain aspects run? How exactly do I, er.., maintain a composting toilet?
To some this might sound like a nightmare, but to me I am catching a glimpse of a utopia. Where I can be free of oppressive forces in my environment and reconnect with nature. I have already lived through a maze of other people's ideals. I see myself as if in Candide, and it is time to tend my own garden, with my family at my side.