I am removing the several of the "things" I am surrounded with in my dwelling. One which has built up significantly is my wardrobe. As I go through my closet piece by piece, assessing the relevance of each piece to my life, I become aware of how this addresses my personal history.
I used to never wear jeans. I used to dye my hair several times a week. I was told by a coworker in my twenties that I never looked the same twice. When I responded that I changed my outfits a lot he stated, "No, I mean, even your face changes." And he was probably right.
I could say I was exploring, or that everything new excited me. To some degree that is correct, but I was also horribly insecure. If I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw, I could manipulate my reflection with clothing, make-up, and a haircut. In truth I did not believe that God had made me beautiful. God had made the trees beautiful, and the birds, and the rocks, but when it came to me, he had made an error. Correcting the error was my responsibility. And Maybelline's.
I was beautiful even then, although some of that beauty was being disguised by the heavily processed food I was putting in my body. If my teeth were yellow, it must be God's fault, and in no way corresponded to the eight Coca-Colas I had that day. I have been cleansing myself of refined sugars, processed soy, and dairy. I have been eating more raw fruits and vegetables. I stopped using hair dye. I have severely limited my make-up. I am not allotting power to other people in the evaluation of my self-worth. And now some of that clothing which used to be like a protective cover seems more like a mask.
I can still appreciate the beauty of craftsmanship and the insight of designers. I know now, however, these things do not define me or make me more desirable. Instead I am happy to find a few simple outfits that fit me, express who I am, and a few details to add an element of magic.
I have some items for sale, as I peel away a few layers. have a look. Maybe one of them will be made for you.
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